Time does not kid. Neither it slacks, nor does it make any allowances.
I chose not to move with it. Instead kept swinging between past and future. I can't say there were no warnings but I did not pay any heed. I was having a ball. Deep inside me there was a clock that was ticking, urging me to catch up but I kept ignoring it.
Result: Time broke down.
Yes, time has broken down for me. Past and future are collapsing frantically into my present. Not just from this life but from many many lives it seems. Have you heard of samudra-manthan? The ultimate churning of the deepest ocean to obtain the nectar of immortality. Gods had to team up with demons to perform it. Something like that is happening in my body and mind.
I am not my parents 6 year old spoiled daughter anymore. Every time I look at them now, my stomach cringes. I don't see 30 something handsome couple but instead a 60 something couple trying to cope with harsh realities of life - restricted physical existence and unregulated, unyielding mental existence. It was exactly the opposite - like just now, wasn't it? My baby sister is a mother now. When my mom was my age, I was 10 years old!
Where do I place myself ? I don't know. I relate reasonably well with almost everyone - my 2 year old nephew, my teenager nieces, my 20 something cousins, my 40 something colleagues and my 60 something Vedanta friends. Then I look at my 30 something friends. I try to fit myself neatly into that bracket looking for a perfect match. My resume fits very well. Me? Not so much… I am spilling over into my childhood, teens, 20s, 40s, 60s and in those unknown age groups which may be flashbacks from my past past or glimpses into my future future. I can't tell the difference. Those moments clearly don't fit anywhere in the current scheme of things - a span of 0-60 years that is. Yet they are as real or even more.
How am I supposed to live everyday?
In present, I suppose. Trying to stay centered in my role in spite of the huge variations; and ignoring the outliers completely.
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